Avoiding the DISS-ciple

Did you know that if you flip the syllables on the word mentor, with a slight adjustment you get the word torment?

Two decades into the professional world, I've had the opportunity to have a mentor as well as be a mentor.  The best mentor relationships are those that have grown naturally out of respect and trust, where both parties were open to listening and taking action.

But there have been some disastrous mentor-protege relationships as well.  The ones which have been assigned as an "orientation buddy" rarely work.  Those mentor relationships that are forged out of "damage control" also often end badly.  When I was learning the "tricks of the trade" in team facilitation, I was assigned to a mentor to develop these skills.  "Mary" thought the sun rose and set in herself, and she was also very insecure (yeah, the irony of her being a facilitation mentor isn't lost on me either).  If I didn't hang on her every word, if I dared to take one of her ideas and expand it to try something new, if I didn't fluff her ego enough, Mary ran straight to my boss and complained that I was "difficult to work with."  You can guess where that relationship went.

The trick is to determine whether you want to build a protege or a disciple.  (Now before you wig out on the term, it does not have to have religious overtones of Jim Jones' Koolaid stand.)  As a matter of fact, Paul Hoffman writes a brilliant post on the topic in the Top Management Tips blog.  The four stages of discipleship really define what a successful mentor-protege relationship look like:

The first stage is initiation, the protégé recognizes and appreciates the talents, and expertise the mentor brings to the relationship. Second, the protégé and mentor begin a process of interpersonal bonding. In this deepening relationship, they begin sharing vision, values, and connecting personal goals and organizational goals. At some point the third stage occurs, separation. The protégé or the discipling mentor experiences a drifting apart. One or the other receives a promotion, become physically separated, or the protégé is more independent. The final, fourth stage is redefinition. Some event in the organizational life of the protégé brings her/him back to the former mentor. They re-establish their relationship on different terms, not as mentor and protégé.

Ask yourself these questions about your current mentor-protege relationships:

1. Was it assigned or cultivated?
2. Did it develop out of necessity or nature?
3. Do the mentor and protege genuinely see something in each other worth investing in the relationship?
4. Are both gaining value out of the relationship?
5. Is it interdependent rather than codependent?
6. Is there a goal in mind for the relationship?  (examples: indoctrination into a culture, behavior change, skill development)
7. Is there so much riding on the relationship that it becomes too important to fail?

You can surmise the "right" and "wrong" answers from the above questions.  If there's more TORMENTING than MENTORING going on, it leads to one more question:  what are YOU going to do about it?

Your Slipknot Is Showing

Des Moines' resident heavy-metal rock band, Slipknot, is having an interesting summer.  Their health insurer is probably not amused.  Their own #0 (AKA DJ Sid Wilson) broke both of his ankles during a leap at a summer concert in Seattle.  So now he's making his stage appearances in a wheelchair.  OK, so they are redefining exactly what "heavy metal" means.  As one article put it, "But that's just the kind of band Slipknot are. Dedicated and intense, they simply don't quit — no matter what their bruises look like. "

So, how about you?  Your career is a concert tour of sorts.  And you've probably taken a few bad jumps and wound up bruised and broken.  The question is whether you're willing to take the stage at the next event and show off your battle scars... or just cower in your dressing room and hope the fans go away so they don't see you in your current state.

I know a lot of consultants, project managers, and business analysts who are currently "between projects" (the politically correct way of saying they are unemployed).  Some of them are licking their wounds.  Others are going at it fast and furious, viewing the employment set-back as an opportunity for new adventures.

Some questions to ask yourself as you are waiting for the next "paying gig":

• What can I learn from my last experience?  What didn't I do well?
• What are the strengths I bring to an employer?  Do I know, and can I talk about them confidently?
• What types of assignments should I avoid?  With whom do I work the best?
• What can I work on right here, right now while I'm in waiting mode?  Both personally and professionally, what can I do to make myself the best person possible?

Now get out there, put on that spiked mask, and rock on!

Single Parenting vs. Multi-Tasking

You may wonder why I've been so blogospherically quiet the past week.  Well, to be honest, it has to do with family.  In the past week, we've traveled home from the in-laws just in time to get my wife off to a workshop in New England.  This is her second job-related excursion this summer, and I've teased her about "getting me back" for all of my travels and adventures this past year.

Her travels, though, have left me with a pretty cool opportunity:  having the girls to myself for a few days.  While all has gone smoothly thus far, I must admit that I have tremendous respect for those who find themselves in a single-parenting situation.  It's a daunting task for one person, even when the kids are well-behaved and fun and engaging.  We've had a lot of fun.  We've gone to the pool (let's hear it for season passes), we've taken walks in the woods, we've cooked out and had picnics.  I've also negotiated arguments, kissed boo-boos, and introduced my children to "real" media.  For example, when I saw what constituted a "cartoon" in today's television line-up, I made sure my girls watched an array of old Warner Brothers' cartoons (now my three-year-old goes around asking everybody, "What's up, Doc?").  Tired of hearing about the latest High School Musical movie buzz, I made them watch "Singin' in the Rain."

Most of all, I've learned that priorities get shifted pretty quickly with kids.  My "laptop time" has had to take a backseat to more important things.  Phone calls and text messaging get dealt with around naps and meals.  Blogging and Twittering and LinkedIn-ing all have to get parked.  There are two girls who need their dad.

Now, how quickly can you shift your priorities on your job when "really important stuff" comes up?  Is your schedule so packed that nothing new could fit into it?  What if a personal crisis came up which required you to watch your children or attend to an aging parent?  Could you do it?  What about the hot new project that will catapult your career?  Have you developed other people who could replace you quickly?

We tend to equate busy-ness with effectiveness.  The Wall Street Journal recently ran a story about executives' schedules being so booked that they couldn't schedule any new meetings for months.  One of the most effective books I've read in the past decade was Slack by Tom deMarco.  In it, deMarco shares how we have pushed ourselves to become so efficient (are you paying attention, all you Six Sigma and Lean disciples?) that we have forgotten how to be effective with what really counts.  We've neglected our focus on the critical few things in our organizations.  We allow distractions in the form of emails and meetings.

Do you know how to pull a Nancy Reagan and "Just Say No"?  Most of us are so afraid of saying no because we've tricked ourselves into believing we'll never be asked again.  We schedule ourselves into a corner to make ourselves indispensible.  Then we wonder why we can't be promoted or transferred to a better opportunity.  And we scoff when we hear, "You're just too valuable here."  And then we have the audacity to wonder how we got pigeon-holed.

Starting today, look at your schedule.  For every meeting you have scheduled, ask yourself these questions:

• What would happen if I didn't attend?
• Would I get a true reflection of the meeting from the minutes?
• Are there any decisions which will be made where I NEED to have input?
• Could I send a trusted delegate to get the same result?
• Is there already somebody there who feels exactly the same way I do and will voice their opinions?
• Will I get any value out of this meeting (either short-term or long-term)?
• Am I an integral part of the meeting?  Could the meeting objectives still be met?
• Do I need to report on any action items?  Could I email the meeting leader with the status update?

If you start declining the meetings from your schedule which aren't adding value to you or to the meeting, imagine how much time you could free up.  (By the way, be brutally honest with yourself when answering those questions.  Too often, we operate under the fallacy that we ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO be there.)  Then take the time you would have spent in the meeting to find other ways to save time and build slack.

Put Eeyore To Work

(Originally published in Iowabiz.com in May 2007)

We've all seen them.  We call them devils' advocates or naysayers.  We joke about their constantly negative disposition behind their backs.  We cringe when they are invited to brainstorming sessions.  We try to work around them because we know they will kill the idea with a litany of reasons why it won't work.

What do you do when Eeyore is on your project team?

There is actually a very good role for the project stakeholders who are all too willing to tell you why your project isn't a good idea:  put them in charge of risk management.  Managing risks is an activity that too many project managers let slip through the cracks.  They don't like to think that something might go wrong on their watch, and so they try to ignore all of the speedbumps and potholes in the road... until it's too late.

Oh, bother.

That's where the resident Eeyore is of value.  This is a person who will tell you what can go wrong, why it will go wrong, when it will go wrong, and exactly how it will go wrong.  Instead of avoiding Eeyore, harness all of that great negativity in the planning phase of your project.  Eeyore is now happy, because somebody finally listened to him.  You can be happy, because many of the potential pitfalls of your project have been identified and you can deal with them proactively.  Your team is happy because Eeyore has the negativity out of his system (it's been documented, right?), and they can all move forward.

See?  In projects, there's generally a role for everybody.

What's With Reverend Jerry?

The Republicans had Falwell.  Now the Democrats have Wright.

Both are a Don Quixote of sorts.  Falwell attacked homosexual windmills.  Wright attacks racial ones.  Many Republicans wished Falwell would just shut up, when he was still alive.  Now many Democrats wish Wright would do the same.  Each Reverend Jerry perceived himself to be on a mission from God.

Who is the "Reverend Jerry" in your office?  Who is that one person who is both passionate and dogmatic?  Who is both outspoken and myopic?  What do you do with him (or her)?  Do you do what the Republicans did and just sort of roll your eyes and ignore him?  Do you do like Obama and "distance" yourself from him?  Telling him to just shut up just adds fuel to the fire.  I mean, who really has time to have the wrath of God called down upon him from Heaven these days?

But then there's the question:  are they really doing all that much damage?  It's a question the Republicans had to answer during the 90's, and it's a question the Democrats are trying to answer now.  And it's a question you'll have to answer in your office with your own "Reverend Jerry."  Are they causing poor morale?  Lost productivity?  Missed business opportunities?  Are they accountable for their own actions, or are they blaming everybody else?  Can you fire them?  Reassign them?  Isolate them?  Demote them?  Censor them?

The bottom line is this:  if Reverend Jerry is preventing you from seizing your accomplishment, you can't ignore him in an office setting.  At least in the office, you don't have CNN and Fox News reporters salivating over the next sound byte.

Your thoughts?

Deflection Reflection

Oops.

Barack Obama made a bad comment, and now it's coming back to haunt him right before a couple of critical state decisions in his close race against Hillary.

After stating that the "bitter" little uninformed masses "cling to guns and religion" he's been facing the accusation that he's elitist.  I've been saying that he's elitist since the New Hampshire debate.  His "you're likeable enough" comment to Hillary as well as the number of pictures showing him looking down his nose at somebody have made me really uncomfortable with this man's core values.  The President of the United States is not a job where we put somebody in who has a volatile vocabulary.  But that's not really the point of this post.

Barack's bevy of advisors have told him he needs to back-pedal now.  People can't perceive him as elitist, they're telling him.  But rather than addressing the issue head-on and taking accountability for his words, Barack started by pulling a "shame, shame, shame" against Hillary.  Now he's doing the broken home/food stamps appeal.  I'm sorry, Barack, but the corporate suits can go toe-to-toe with you on these ploys.  In office politics, people who "get caught" try to deflect attention to somebody else's faults and/or try to change the issue to spin perceptions their own way (by the way, some of the most "elitist" people I know had very humble beginnings, which actually triggered their adult sense of entitlement and elitism).

It's important to recognize these behaviors in office politicians, too.  Deflection (as opposed to accountability) is actually pretty common in corporate America, and thanks to Mr. Obama, we have a couple more good working examples.  Rather than attempting to shame Hillary or talk about his mother's food stamps, Barack needs to shift his attention to how he words things... including his apologies (i.e., "IF I said something...").  But I suppose that's why it's called office politics.  We have the "real thing" to set such dubious examples for the cubicle dwellers.  It's also important to note that there is a difference between defending yourself and deflecting.  Defending yourself keeps the attention on the statements or issues in question rather than introducing new issues into the mix.

What do you think?

Who's In Your Corner?

It was a bit of a pickle for this professor to handle.  I once had a student who thought her roommate was following up with me to request the exam guide for an upcoming test.  Well, the roommate didn't follow through, and the student ended up doing poorly on the test.  The question was whether it was the roommate's fault for not keeping the student abreast of the progress, or the student's fault for not taking ownership of her own communication with me.

I bet I can guess your answer.

It was equally intriguing last year when Penelope Trunk of the Brazen Careerist let Gen-Y-er Ryan Healy take the steering wheel of her blog to defend why helicopter parents should be allowed to negotiate their children's salaries.  After you read the post, make sure you scroll down and read the comments as well.  The bottom line was that poor Ryan got steamrolled by many commenters.

Lesson Learned?  Helicopter Parent and Human Resources don't mix.

So, who is in your corner?  Who is your "go to" person to stick up for you when you need assistance?  Who is your defender?  Your champion?  Your "fall back" position?

The answer is:  whomever you feel comfortable selecting for that role.

BUT

Accountability for results still resides with you.  So choose wisely or don't rely on others too heavily.  (And, by the way, outsourcing and subcontracting don't always save you in this decision either.)  My friend, Bob Prosen, always admonishes the number one rule of delegation:  "Never delegate to a moron."  At the end of the day, people ultimately will look to you as the leader.  Are you ready to face them?

The Luck of The Irate

It is Saint Paddy's Day.  Day to wear green, watch parades, drink beer, and pretend that everybody is no more than a generation removed from hopping off the boat from Dublin.

But how green is your project manager?  (And no, I'm not talking about St. Patrick's festivities.)  Are your team's antics making him or her physically ill?  When should a good project manager get involved to help cure the team?

I once knew a PM who was - at best - a "hit and run" manager.  He would get blindsided by conflict (which he would have known about if he were paying attention), get half of the story (whatever made it through his dense perceptual filters), go out, yell at people, and think he had solved the problem.  When the "rest of the story" would surface, he'd end up doing damage control (a lot more work than if he'd just listened up front).

The Tao of Project Management Blog had a great post last year about these kinds of incidents.  Its author, John Carroll (ironically from the UK, neighbor to Ireland), had these wise words to share:

The wise project manager does not interfere with the work of the team unless all else has failed. Delicate facilitation is the way not sudden intervention. By using a sudden intervention the work of one or more members of the team is cast aside and they will feel violated. The team will be weakened and what may, at the time feel like a victory, is actually a failure.

My former PM could have used some of this knowledge.  But oh well, he's still wiggling his way through projects and charming clients into thinking he knows what he's doing.  Then he bullies those less experienced into thinking what goes wrong is their fault.

There's a lot to be said for the finer art of facilitation as opposed to going into a conflict like a bulldozer on a steroid overdose.  Maybe the "luck" of today belongs to those who really are nice (with or without beer), can listen well, and are able to work and play well with others.

"Cry, Sis" Management

"Don't look at me."

"She's doing it again."

"That's not fair."

"Stop that!"

"I don't like you."

"Moooooom!  Daaaaad!"

Living in a house with two daughters means that there is never a lack of drama.  I know several other dads who have only daughters, and we're in agreement that we're always on our toes.  We're also in agreement that the source of conflict is internal... in other words, siblings make each other cry.  (I know, I know, earth shattering revelation, isn't it?)  And we've also noticed the trend that, in our adult male eyes, 95% of the conflict is utterly irrelevant.

We were having a discussion in my Drake leadership class last weekend about nice people and mean people.  What do you do with somebody who consistently goes out of their way to create drama for others?  How do you handle someone who goes out of their way to make others miserable?  One strategy is to hold a Crucial Conversation with them.  We were fortunate enough to have Shirley Poertner come to class to share a brief overview of the Crucial Conversations technique.  If you've never had the opportunity to hear Shirley address a group, you should; she exudes warmth, confidence and credibility.  Better yet, in an hour she provided my students (and me) with some critical skills for handling the difficult people and situations we all face.  (I can only imagine how effectively wow-ing she would be in a two-day workshop.)  Before Shirley even spoke to my students, I gave them an opportunity to practice handling difficult people.  Using a variation of "speed dating," I posted letters written to the Office-Politics.com site, divided the class into groups, and gave them an hour to circulate around the room and respond to as many of the letters as they could.  The result was kind of interesting:  many of them realized that their own internal work dramas weren't as bad as they originally perceived.  I suppose conflict is relative.  For the conflict that's real, I'd recommend looking into bringing Shirley to your organization to speak.

And it may be time to start having some crucial conversations with my kids, too.

Following DUH-rections.

For Christmas, my wife gave me a new navigation system for my car.  Since the Ford Escape I chose was rather basic, it was missing many of the creature comforts I had enjoyed in my last vehicle, one of which was a compass.  Mind you, I'm not directionally impaired, but I do enjoy being able to see where I'm headed.

Now I'm stuck with the perky lady's voice giving me directions like "Turn Left Here" and "1.5 miles until right turn."  The fun part of having a bossy navigation system is that I'm still in the driver's seat.  And I'm a contrarian, so I ignore the directions a lot of the time and make the device recalculate the route based on my decisions rather than on its instructions.

While everyone from a school teacher to a hiring manager will tell you how important it is to follow directions, I'm here to challenge conventional wisdom on that front.  Here are a few times when I would say it is OK to ignore the directions and follow your own route:

1. If the directions don't make sense - a lot of people have blindly followed others because they were just programmed to do so.  But the orders they were following made no sense whatsoever and were not what the direction giver intended.  Put your "follower" side in neutral and engage your logical side.  If the request doesn't make sense, then ask questions.
2. If the direction-giver has no credibility - my first rule of following:  make sure the leader isn't an idiot.  If they have given consistently bad directions in the past, then there is a good chance that their managerial abilities have not improved.  Think about what is being asked of you, and who is asking it.
3. If the directions are not realistic given the environment - directions we've been given in the past some times do not make sense given new information.  One of the SWAT team instructors I know made a very astute observation last month when he told his team, "There's textbook, and then there's tactical."  He knew that there are times to throw out what you've been told and follow your gut if the rules of engagement have changed dramatically.

These are just a few of my guidelines for following (or ignoring) directions.  What are some of yours?

Super Bull Sunday

Today is the day when the two (supposedly) best teams in football match up against each other.  Personally, I'm tired of the Patriots and given their cheating (videotaping their opponents), I don't believe they should even be allowed to play any post-season games as punishment for earlier actions; hence, I'm rooting for the Giants.  But I'm not that big of an NFL fan to expend that much energy one way or another on this issue.  If the Packers, Bears, Vikings, Chiefs, or Colts are playing, I pay a lot more attention.

We're also two days away from Super Tuesday (which I find highly coincidental that it occurs on Mardi Gras).  The candidates are all scrambling, attempting to convince the remaining undecided voters that their camp is the best pony to vote on.  Those of us who have made up our minds on which candidates we like (or dislike) just chuckle amusedly at their feeble attempts to sway us, viewing their arguments as an intellectual pile of manure blowing in the political wind.

Not to be too harsh on the candidates' last ditch efforts, we do this all too often in business.  We wait until it's time to get a business case approved, go into management and present, and then wonder why it gets shot down.  Alistair Bathgate of the Workforce in a Box blog recently quoted an InfoWorld Article by David Linthicum that touched on the whole issue of selling your business case - especially in an economy-softened corporate budget environment.  While the economics of selling your idea has merit, and I don't disagree with either article in the least, one thought to add to both authors is the soft-skills... finding the key decision-makers early and beginning the influencing WELL BEFORE the decision needs to be made... or before they have the chance to make a preliminary decision against you.  Granted, you need to push the Return on Investment numbers and justify why it's a good idea, but you also need to make sure that the executives understand that well in advance of the formal presentation.

So don't wait for Super Bull Sunday to put your Monday Morning Presentation at Risk.  Start influencing and selling your ideas early.

Diversity or Adversity

Tonight, I'll be discussing the topic of diversity with my students.  All in all, it's a fairly diverse class for an undergraduate section.  We have representation from multiple cultures and races and a good split between genders.  I'm trying to figure out how to make workplace diversity real to them.  How will I put them in the shoes of a store manager who is having a communication conflict with a hearing-impaired customer?  How do I communicate the anxiety of somebody who opening up about her sexual orientation?  How can I portray the feelings of somebody who perceives that he's being discriminated against based on race?  How should I approach the subject of somebody who feels inferior because of a lack of education?

We can talk a good game about tolerance and acceptance.  We can discuss how there are two remaining viable candidates left within the Democratic candidates and neither is a white male.  We can cover some "really meaningful" case studies.  But how can I help them see that true diversity is NOT about adversarial conflict?  It's about embracing the similarities as well as the differences.  And when differences do exist, they make a wonderful teaching tool.

But when they leave my classroom tonight, will they really get it?  Or is it just another "unit" on their way to the first exam?

Life With Britney and Phil

I was reading the blog of one of my former undergrad professors, Dr. Jann Freed of Central College.  A few weeks ago, she went on a (justifiable) rant about Britney Spears' being named Celebrity of the Year.  Her lead-off question is right:  what does it say about us as a society that we give her this honor?

Of course, I barely have enough time to think about those who fall into the category of celebrity.  I am vaguely aware that Heath Ledger passed away last week, and I'm sad to think that somebody so young will never realize all the avenues of his potential career.  But I didn't know Heath personally, and this post isn't about him.  It's about Britney.  Are her antics really honest pleas for help, or is she simply addicted to publicity?  Well, that's where Dr. Phil swoops in light a knight on a horse, meets with Britney and shares her story with her adoring public (and anybody else unfornate enough to intersect with the news story).

But Dr. Phil has learned a hard lesson that no "good deed" goes unpunished.  He's now in hot water for practicing without a license and for violating HIPAA regulations.  Oops.  Occasionally, exploiting another individual for your own benefit can backfire.  But these are celebrities... we "little people" never succumb to such antics... right?

Um... what about the office gossip?  What about character sabotage?  What about the typical petty behaviors encountered in cubicle-ville?  Often, these bad behaviors are covered over with excuses that the target's bad behavior warrants the exploitation.  In other words, they had it coming.

In a "small town" like Des Moines, talking about other people has a tendency to get back to them.  And I've found that Iowans have excruciatingly long memories and are good at "keeping score."  With blogs and social media, this small town mindset is easily extended to larger markets.  Granted, there may be some bridges that are worth burning (or at least being able to singe the edges), but if you're going to be working with people for a longer period of time, you may want to watch which bridges you burn.

If You're (Slap) Happy And You Know It...

They're always grumpy.

Why doesn't she cheer up?

He makes Eeyore look like a prozac addict.

CAN'T WE DO ANYTHING?

We've all been there... dealing with the perpetually negative coworker who complains about everything.  It's even worse when the coworker is the boss... and all of their negativity is directed at you.

Marilyn Haight of the Boss and Workplace Issues Blog brought this issue to light last week.  She has two very valid reasons for why you cannot hope to make a negative boss happy:

1. It's not your job to make any person you work with happy. It's your job to fulfill the duties of your job description as best as you can and meet or exceed your objectives. Nothing more. That's all a boss has the right to expect from you.

2. No one can make another person happy. Period. In fact, no one can make another person feel any emotion. Emotions are born within us by the way we choose to respond to external events. Miserable bosses either cannot be happy or enjoy being miserable, maybe because it gets them attention that they couldn't get otherwise—just look at the attention you're giving them by trying to find a way to make them happy.

I agree wholeheartedly with Marilyn's assessment; however, there are a couple of things you can do to mitigate their unhappiness ... and protect your happiness ... PROACTIVELY.

1. When receiving an assignment, ask them what result would make them happy.  Then document it and send it to them, creating a sort of "contract."  When you deliver what they asked for and they are unhappy, remind them of the documentation.
2. Set expectations early and often.  Communicate progress, roadblocks, and results rather than throwing your work over the wall at them and waiting for a reaction.  Face-to-face communication is best, as you can then watch their reactions.
3. Don't allow bad behavior.  It's OK for them to communicate disappointment, but do not allow them to cross the line.  Temper tantrums are never OK.
4. Take away lessons learned.  If your boss or coworker is communicating unhappiness about a work element, ask them to help you learn from it to make the next time better.
5. Don't take it personally.  Some people are just negative.  Spend your energy on things you can change.

Continually playing into their bad behaviors is just going to help the problem continue.

Bucking For a Promotion

There have been a few people approaching and/or emailing me recently, asking for advice about snagging their next promotion.  There are a lot of office politcs that go into promotions - both earning them and deciding who gets them.  However, more than office politics, job promotions are lessons in personal branding and self-marketing.  It's the start of a new year, and many people are assessing where they want to go with their careers.  The biggest mistake that most professionals make is assuming that performance alone will earn them a promotion.

First and foremost, remember that you are a commodity in the job market.  You have a warm body, a pulse, opposable thumbs, and you can remember the inhale-exhale sequence without prompting.  Congratulations.  If that sounds overly harsh, look around you at some of the people who have been promoted to management and leadership roles.  There's at least one in every office who got to where s/he is for reasons other than job performance.  Don't get me wrong, performance is important; however, it is just the baseline criteria (when and if it is used).

• Wardrobe!  David Lorenzo talks about the importance of dress in his Career Intensity blog.  If you want the promotion, start dressing the part.  Look at how the people dress who are at the next level you want to attain.  Then start dressing like them.  Be careful not to go overboard on this one.  I knew one guy who was blatantly obvious about this (bow-tie and suspenders) and it back-fired on him because the boss's wardrobe was so... um... unique.  If you have questions, contact a personal coach or go to a nicer clothing store where they have personal shoppers trained to help you.
• Talk the Walk - Jelene Coogan shares this little jem of wisdom:

While technical skills will take you several rungs up the corporate ladder, the climb to the top requires taking your communications to a whole new level. 1. Take 100% responsibility for your communication As a top-level communicator, it is essential that you take 100% responsibility for your communication. When you speak, there will be times when your message is not understood by the other person as you intended. Yes, its very easy to blame the other person and even make judgments about their intelligence. Yet, that brings you no closer to your goal of getting your message across and (even unspoken) judgments can seriously damage the relationship. As the communicator, it is up to you to re-package your message so that it is better understood.

• Assess the Competition - Who else is up for a promotion?  What is their relationship with the decision-makers?  (For that matter, what is YOUR relationship with the decision-makers?)  Is the competition your current peers?  Might they hire from the outside?  If you don't know who you are up against, how can you differentiate your unique brand proposition?  Mike Wagner always talks about how brands should be 1) Different; 2) Inviting; 3) Relevant; and 4) Truthful.  If you look at your career up until now, down you honestly own each of these four criteria to make them want to promote you?
• What Time Is it? - You may need to do some honest and serious self-assessment on this one as well.  Many professionals go for promotions at the wrong time (professionally or personally) because they've convinced themselves that if they don't get this promotion right now, that there will never be another opportunity.  And then they are crushed when they do not receive the promotion.  It may be that you are not getting this promotion because there really is something bigger and better in store for you.  Only you can decide that.
• Map it out - I tell my students and clients alike that if upward mobility is your goal, always be thinking 1-2 promotions beyond the one you are attempting to get.  As the old saying goes, "Nothing is worse than climbing the ladder of success only to find out it was leaning against the wrong wall."

So before you write off your next promotion opportunity as "office politics," make sure you are assessing some of the elements that could help you take that next step... or be prepared to get bucked off a few times.

Flickr Photo compliments of Matt Owen of US Rodeo Supply.

DUH-cisions

"Nobody can make me feel inferior without my consent." -Eleanor Roosevelt

There's a lot of great discussion going on right now about how we react to each other.  Peace on earth?  Nope.  Good will towards men?  Um, not so much.  No, I'm not really that cynical, although I have been hearing snatches about shoppers rage recently (my heart still goes out to the innocent victims in Omaha and other shooting events who were in the wrong place at the wrong time).

But what about how we respond and react to each other on a day-to-day basis under seemlingly normal circumstances?  Certainly all of our conversations cannot be happy little ego-strokings.  Sometimes we have to have difficult conversations.  Sometimes we disagree.  Sometimes we make boneheaded comments.  Sometimes we have to say "no."

But how do we react when others initiate ill-fated communication?  Liz Strauss had a beautiful post today about responses.  I saw it after following (and contributing to) an amazing string of conversation on April Groves' blog.  In both cases, it would appear that we ourselves own the reaction, even though we don't always own the catalyst.

What is the best strategy to use when somebody makes a comment we don't like or appreciate?  Count to ten?  Deep breaths?  Mentally write their obituary?  What do you think?

You'll Shoot Your Eye Out, Kid

"I want an official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle."

Anybody who has seen the move, "A Christmas Story," is grinning right now.  If you have not yet seen this movie, climb out from under your rock and turn on your television this month.

That being said, everyone tried to warn Ralphie of the risks of getting what he wanted.  Still, he was determined.  Persistent.  Tenacious.  Annoyingly so.

We think we want certain things.  We think they will make us successful and significant.  We think we know better than everybody else.  We KNOW what it takes to accomplish our professional goals.  And we will not be distracted.

Such was the case with a blog post I ran across today on Business Knowledge Source blog.  The article was entitled, "How to be a manager and a friend."  YIKES.  Is that a realistic goal in today's world?  I look at these two roles, and I see almost two sets of expectations and needs.  Have we become that touchy-feely that we have to make this intersection a goal?

The author of the article is unclear... one of their writers who simply goes by D.F.  This person gives seemingly sound (if not overly obvious) advice to becoming both a friend and a manager:

• Build good relationships... (um... duh... should be a principle regardless of goals)
• Create a positive work environment (we'll get back to this one)
• Reduce office politics (don't get me started) through team building
• Provide a competitive salary because a friend wouldn't undercut a friend
• Take employee concerns seriously
• Communicate openly

I can't argue with any of these... except maybe the office politics issue, but then again I'm a little biased about this.  And I'm not arguing against this article in favor of managers becoming rotten two-faced back-stabbers.  There are certainly enough of those around without my endorsing that behavior.  My concern is people wanting to be both a manager and a friend.  While they do not have to be, the goals are somewhat mutually exclusive.  It's like being a parent and a friend.  The roles of parent and manager have to come first.  There are certain things that must be accomplished, and there are accountabilities to both roles to ensure that things are done right.  There are also huge consequences if the roles of manager or parent are screwed up.  Friendship, if we're lucky, is the by-product of the role performed correctly.  But be clear:  when there is a role conflict, the role of friend must take a back-seat - again, not to the extent of being mean to the employee - but so that the accomplishment can occur.  I've seen too many kids screwed up by parents trying too hard to be their friends, and I've seen too many employees set adrift by managers trying too hard to be their friends.

Within my roles as an advisor on Office-Politics.com and as a college instructor listening to his students and as an active participant in the corporate land of cubicles, I've seen what happens when a peer becomes a supervisor.  Many a friendship has been ruined by a single promotion.  Sometimes the friend role is forsaken completely for the afore-mentioned bad behavior as the new manager purposely attempts to drive a wedge in the relationships with his former peers.  Sometimes it is because the new supervisor attempts to maintain the friend role at the expense of the management role.

Yes, a good manager can be nice, supportive, caring, empathetic, helpful, and nurturing.  But these traits should exist within the role of a manager rather than as a friend.  When you pursue success at both roles at all costs, watch you.  You'll shoot your eye out, kid.

What do you think?  Is it realistic to pursue both roles simultaneously?  Should it be a goal?

Would You Like a Balloon or a Lollipop?

It's a normal question:  "We don't have any money in the budget to reward our project teams - what can we do?"

Well, you are in luck.  Joran Beel just emailed me with a free online version of his new book Project Team Rewards - Rewarding and Motivating your Project Team.  He asked me to share the link with my Carpe Factum readers.  Now, when somebody does something this nice, I think it's in our best interest to provide him with timely, honest, and helpful feedback (and a big thank you for sharing his work).

Joran, thanks for providing this resource for my readers!

What about you?  What are some creative "non-cash" rewards you've used to motivate your project teams?

I'm Not Bad; I'm Just Drawn That Way

It's really interesting to deal with people with low self-awareness.  At one point in my career, I agreed to mentor a young professional, whom we'll call Kurt (not even remotely close to his real name).  It seemed that Kurt was always putting his foot into his mouth and thereby became the lightning rod for office conflict.  I listened intently to Kurt's version of conflict after conflict, in which he craftfully painted himself as an innocent victim of circumstance.  What was really interesting was when people who knew that Kurt was seeking mentoring from me began approaching me.  It became painfully obvious that Kurt was having difficulty controlling his mouth, and he was making very awkward and politically damaging comments around other people.  An occasion arose once where I was able to ask him about a situation he had brought up.  I knew the specifics from a reliable source, but he didn't know that I knew.  Not a word was said about his role in the conflict.  I asked him if he might have made some comments that were taken incorrectly by others, to which he responded that he had been a perfect gentleman.  I made multiple attempts to get him to replay the meeting in his mind to see if the self-awareness switch was turned on, and nothing happened.

I was on Corra's Daily Planet the other day, and she said something especially profound and relevant in her post.  Actually, it was the post title that really caught my eye:  "Self-Awareness and not self-absorption makes for good business acumen."  If someone is not aware of the world around them, how people are reacting to them, and how they are interacting with those same people, then there is a problem.  Is it possible to coach somebody to self-awareness?  I believe so, but it takes a desire to make that change, and Kurt had no such desire.  Here are some things I do to keep maintain a healthy level of self-awareness:

• Introductions are critical - the first impressions play a major role in dictating the rest of the relationship.  Watch body language, eye contact, facial expression, word choice, and even handshake grip when being introduced to another person... if possible, watch as they are introduced to others in the room.  Is their reaction consistent to what they gave you?
• Stand up, speak up and shut up - when you are addressing a crowd, how are people reacting to you and to your words?  Have you thought out what you are going to say before you say it, or did you just blurt something out?  Do people roll their eyes before you even speak the first word?
• The eyes have it - watch people's eye contact around you.  When you enter a room or say something, people will speak volumes with their eyes.  I'd be a horrible poker player because my eyes really are a mirror to my soul.  When somebody I don't really care for enters a room, my close friends can tell right away because of my eyes.  Those sideways glances ALWAYS mean something.
• Who are your spin doctors - if you have trouble with self awareness, are there trusted friends or colleagues who can observe you and your interactions and coach you on it later?  And will you listen to them?  If they have your best interest at heart, they will be true in their assistance.  I once had a reader on Office-Politics.com who referred to my advice as "brutally helpful."  I've always considered that the highest order compliment.
• Consistency is key - are all of your meetings and conversations heading down the same path?  Then it may be time to assess what may really be happening.  If ALL of your friends are sociopathic nut-cases, there is one common denominator:  you.  Recognizing patterns and acting on them is one of those traits that put us above the average WUHOT.

So before you decide to blame the world for your own bad behavior, just pull out the mirror and do some honest self assessment.  It might save your career.

Time To Unmask

It's the day after Halloween.  The fake cobwebs have come down.  The sugar detox continues.  But it's time to take off the masks and become real again.  And I'm not just talking about the kids, either.  How about some unmasking in the workplace as well?

What are some of the favorite costumes of professional adults?

• Excuses
• Unaccountability
• Sabotage
• Mean-spiritedness

But like my kids wanted to stay in their costumes (even sleep in them), I had to convince them that - while Harry Potter characters and princesses are wonderful - I liked them better for who they really were.  So let's encourage people to take off some of their performance masks at work.  If you make a mistake, admit it and fix it (or be really humble and ask for help).  If you have a triumph, share it with your team and the supporting cast who helped you get there.  If you have to estimate, look for reality over pessimism or optimism.

Then we can save the masks for Halloween.

Get Out of the Way, Old Timer

The interview seemed to be going well.  It was a few years ago, but far enough into my consulting career that I was confident with my skills.  The client manager seemed pleased with my answers to that point, and she was happy that I had proven my knowledge of project management.  Then came the "kicker question":  What is the main objective of an effective consultant?

I'm sure she was looking for some kind of rhetoric about results... or communication... or teamwork (yeah, that's always a good one).  Whatever she was looking for, she was not prepared for my response:  "The main objective of an effective consultant is to make himself obsolete as quickly as possible."

Dead silence.  Oops... I made her stop and think.  Maybe she had met too many "parasite consultants" who just burrowed in and made themselves comfortable.

Planned obsolescence should be true of anybody in a leadership role.  If you are not striving for your exit, you're doing a disservice to yourself and to those around you.  If all you do is master one job and stay in it for years and years with the same people, you severely limit your skills and your network.  In fact, the most difficult people I've experienced at client sites are those who have been in their jobs the longest.  They are dogmatic, set in their ways, unyielding, and stubborn... but at least they are hard-headed about it all, in a territorial sort of way.

Eva Muchtar of the Chipping In Blog mentioned this very thing a few months ago.  She's spot on with her advice... if you don't make yourself obsolete, you don't get to go "on your merry way" (as she puts it); instead, you become a slave to your position.  And you become a prime target for downsizing when the business environment passes you by.

I've actually fired myself from clients in the past because I felt they were becoming too dependent upon me.  And I've left a church family for the same reason.  I think it's a sign of a good leader to know when to back away slowly (or sometimes yank the bandage off and let others yell "OW!").

What about you?  How long have you been in your current position?  Have you accomplished everything you wanted to do?  Is it time to knock yourself out of your comfort zone?  Are you already obsolete and just don't know it yet?  Is there a dust imprint of your butt on your cubicle chair?  And what are YOU going to do about it?

(By the way, I got the client engagement, and I was told that it was because of that one answer.)

Dancing With The Tsars

And in this corner, we have our celebrity Tsar:  Peter The Great.  For his first selection, Peter will choose a very aggressive break-dance/hip-hop hybrid to Disney's "Get Your Head In The Game."

Seriously, of all of Russia's rulers, Peter the Great always interests me.  He certainly understood the concept of Carpe Factum, and he's credited with creating some amazing infrastructure for the Eastern power:  great cities and buildings, water passages, military might, not to mention dumping both an undesirable wife and a threatening female rival into convents to get rid of them.

But at what cost did all of his accomplishments come?  Let's just say he "churned through" quite a few little Russian worker bees to get things done.  I've known a few people like that in the corporate world.  They require their people to "step up to the plate" ... in my opinion, personal heroics and project performance do not go hand-in-hand.  My first project recovery involved saving two programmers for the six straight months of 70-80 hour work weeks.  Our biggest constraint when we recreated the project plan was that NOBODY work more than 45 hours per week.  And we held the team to that.  And we completed on time.

Burnout is a serious issue in today's work force.  The PsyBlog posted some interesting findings on burnout at work, especially symptoms and indicators.  I found it interesting that "influence at work" and "job demands" were actually NOT predictors of burnout.  If that's the case and this study is valid (we'll make that assumption since they cite their source), then is it safe to assume that burnout is actually a personal decision of the one who is burning out?  YIKES!

One of the things I pride myself on is knowing when to determine that enough is enough.  The fall tends to be a busier time for me, but I've also learned how to say "no" to maintain a balance.  And people generally respect that.

So, are you suffering burnout?  Are you taking charge of those feelings?  What have been your best burnout mitigation strategies?

Or can you dance through on your good looks?

Things That Make You Go Boom

Today was another opportunity to spend more time with the local suburban SWAT teams.  As I mentioned before, these guys have been helping me with some needed business research, and I'm very appreciative of the fact that they let me tag along when they are practicing various scenarios to improve their skills.

One of the purposes of today's practice was learning how to retreat effectively.  Recently, one of the SWAT reality TV shows had shown a team that penetrated a house only to find a bomb.  Instead of acting like a team, it became every-man-for-himself, and they ran helter skelter out of the building.  The commander and team leaders today did not want their teams to react similarly when faced with those circumstances, so they created the "bomber" scenario.  I was fortunate enough to be in the room where the bomber and his hostage were located (but when you wear the bright orange vest, that puts you "out of play" and you get to enjoy just observing).  Of the three teams, two retreated fairly effectively when the knowledge of the bomb was introduced.  One team, in their effort to dominate, continued to proceed into the room... and were promptly "blown up."  (No SWAT team members were hurt in the writing of this blog... but the noise was really loud.)

One of Stephen Covey's seven habits is to seek the Win-Win, but too few people actually read the entire chapter to find out the "or else" of this habit.  There are times a win-win isn't possible, and you have to be willing to walk away.  In other words, you must embrace the possibility that a "no deal" scenario may occur.  Brian McNary of the Sun Valley Idaho blog posted his commentary on Covey's habit a few months ago.  While it was in the context of local government and community, he summarized his point nicely:

I think many of us grow up with the win lose mentality. It is clearly evident in sports where it should be. It is clearly evident in the court room. But when we apply that mentality to other pursuits, particularly our work, it creates nothing but hardship and distrust and mires us in a tar pit where future leaders will say, “what the hell happened to them?”

We all have to know when to retreat.  If the win-win isn't going to happen, we need to quit throwing good money and energy after bad in order to force it to happen.  The SWAT teams today learned a valuable lesson about retreating when it was evident that they were in a no-win situation.  Listening to their debrief provided further evidence that there's a reason why these guys are so good at what they do.  I've had a couple of projects recently that I was up for, and I was willing to walk away from?  Why?  I knew that the win-win wasn't possible.  The hiring managers both had issues and hidden agendas which would have made my job as a consultant very challenging.  At the same time, a former client presented me with a wonderful and challenging project, and I know that I'll enjoy working with them again.  If I had not been willing to retreat to the "no deal" of the two earlier projects, I would not have been able to open myself up to the win-win of this one.

What projects, relationships, habits, and activities should you be retreating from rather than engaging?  Are you in danger of being "blown up" by forcing your way into the door?

The Stud Finder of Carpe Factum

As I set up my new office at Drake, I'm hanging some pictures and shelves to give it a little "homier" feel.  Of course, hanging anything with some weight to it on a wall requires that I find the studs behind the wall to ensure that it stays secure and doesn't wind up crashing to the floor.  To accomplish this feat, I've used a stud finder to locate the vertical beams hidden behind the sterile white drywall.  Sometimes, it's important to find the support that is hidden to the naked eye.

That applies in our professional lives also, doesn't it?  I once had a student ask me who the most important people were to "suck up to" in the office to get ahead.  I'm sure he was wondering if he should brown-nose the CFO or the CIO before tackling the CEO.  My answer left him sitting there with his jaw open and utterly speechless (I love it when that happens).  If you feel compelled to suck up to anyone in the office, use your "professional stud finder" to locate the hidden support that will keep you from crashing to the ground:

• Secretaries, Administrative Assistants, and Executive Assistants - these people should be at the top of your list.  They are the gate-keepers for the individuals who can make or break your projects, your accomplishments, and your career.  You may have the best ideas, the best clothes, the best concepts, and the fattest paycheck, but if you anger an administrative professional, you do so at your own risk.  My cousin is an executive assistant, and I'm sure she's a darn good one (imagine a brick wall mixed with a bulldozer with pitbull on the side, all covered with a demure nature and a sweet smile and you have an idea how effective she is at protecting her boss... I can say this about her... we've known each other for decades).  This post pretty much drives the point home.
• Tech Support and Help Desk - you needn't suck up to each and every person, but make nice with a few critical people who are influencers of workload and quality in this department.  When you have a problem with your computer, phone, or PDA, it helps to have one or two "go to people" who can get you turned around quickly.  When I'm at a new client, I make sure I'm really nice to this crowd, and it has always served me well.
• Custodial and Security Staff - I think I may have told this story before, but once I was on a very highly political project which required long hours late into the night.  One of the custodial staff who came through around 10:00 each night loved to whistle.  I could have let it annoy me, but instead I started whistling along with him - very nice harmony, I might add.  By the way, did I mention that custodial staff sometimes go through your garbage when they empty it?  You'd be surprised some of the pieces of information that landed on my desk that helped me out.  Custodians and security guards know a lot more about what is going on than you might now.

These people are the studs of Carpe Factum, the often hidden supports that hold everything else up.  If you can use your intuitive stud finder to locate them, you'll be surprised how much you can accomplish.

Plotty Training

One of the interesting transitions with having a toddler in the house is going through that phase known as "potty training."  (I personally think the term "house-breaking" fits, given the general disposition of a toddler, but my wife has banned me from using that phrase in reference to our daughter.)  Nowhere in the annals of human behavior do the issues of power, motivation, communication, reward and punishment, and leadership collide so wrecklessly as they do when teaching a child the right way to (...ahem...) "download."

I was doing my periodic round of "blog trolling" and ran across an excellent post by Linda Zdanowicz, a dental practice management professional, in which she applies Dick Richards' three principles of change to a shift in her own responsibilities, among other dental management issues.  The three principles are:

1.  In the realm of human activity, things change only after they are accepted for what they are. For my daughter, she has to come to the realization that she's not yet "attained toilet competencies" before she will push herself to want to change.  For my clients, they have to admit there's a problem before they will be motivated to seek a solution.

2.  Change occurs as a function of distress, vision, capacity for change, and achievable first steps.  I shouldn't even have to go here on the kid front (so I won't).  For my clients, one of the first questions I ask any client is "Why did you call me?"  I want to know the pain catalyst that caused the desire to change.  Pain is a very strong motivator for individuals and organizations alike.  The business world seems to have very little use for proactive thinkers; react at the right time, though, and you're a hero.  (The same applies for potty training, too.)

3.  People are more likely to act on their own conclusions than on someone else's. We have read books to my daughter on the topic.  My wife and older daughter have done "demonstrations."  We have cute little stickers to reward positive behavior.  In the end, it all comes down to the "Ya gotta wanna" principle.  Yesterday, without assistance, questioning, or prodding of any sort, my daughter chose to follow correct procedure.  Her conclusion.  She owned it.  It was her Carpe Factum moment.  When I work with my clients, I inform them that my skills as a speaker, trainer, mentor, or coach are irrelevent if, when the time comes, they are not prepared to act on their own accord.  They will have just wasted a lot of good consulting budget dollars.

And so it goes.  A lot of my areas of expertise (project management, organizational culture, office politics, creativity) all center around behavioral change.  I liked Mr. Richards' simple yet powerful approach to change, but I revelled in Ms. Zdanowicz's applications.  What are you going to do to flush some of your old behaviors?   How will you use these principles to help those around you?

Pleasantly Surprised

Every year around the end of July/beginning of August, something miraculous happens in our back yard.  In one small corner of the yard, flowers shoot up out of nowhere (seemingly overnight), their stalks ranging from 18 inches to 2 feet in height.  They are called "surprise lilies," and the name fits.  We've been in this house for 11 years, and each and every year, I've been surprised.  Maybe I'm just too caught up in the day-to-day management of life, so when I find time to walk around the back yard, these flowers time their arrival perfectly, kind of like friends jumping out from behind the furniture to wish me a happy birthday.  For about a week, they grace our lawn as the most beautiful plant on the entire property.  Then... they're gone... just as suddenly... but leaving very pleasant visual memories in their wake.

When one spends his time researching, coaching, training, and writing about office politics, it can be very easy to focus on negative behaviors.  So, instead, let's all think of one way in which you can pleasantly surprise another individual today.  A casual compliment?  A card?  A cup of coffee or a soda?  A thank you?  My dad always quoted the old adage, "You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar."  I'm positive it works in office settings as well.  Whom can you pleasantly surprise today?  How will  you do it?

Is Z or Isn't Z?

A couple of weeks ago, I noticed that my Technorati authority took a dive.  At first, I was curious what could be causing a monumental backward slide in what had previously be trending upward.  Then I remembered:  Last December was when the Z List made the rounds.